Some of my favourite comedic movie quotes including Airplane!, Mean Girls, Thor Ragnarok, Princess Bride and more....
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Sir Bedevere: "What makes you think she's a witch?"
Peasant: "Well, she turned me into a newt"
Sir Bedevere: "A newt?"
Peasant: [pause] "...I got better"
Crowd: "BURN HER ANYWAY"
"If she weighed the same as a duck, she's made of wood...and therefore... a witch!"
[both arms have been cut off] "It's just a flesh wound"
"There are some who call me.... 'Tim'"
The Incredibles
"Honey! Where's my supersuit?"
Finding Nemo
"I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food."
"Es-cap-ay. That's funny, it's spelled just like 'Escape'."
"Now what?"
Airplane!
Ted: "Surely you can't be serious?"
Rumack: "I am serious and don't call me Shirley."
"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"
Roger: "We have clearance, Clarence."
Clarence: "Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?"
"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"
Princess Bride
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Inigo Montoya: "I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you."
Westley: "That does put a damper on our relationship."
Inigo Montoya: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you." The Man in Black: "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."
Dr Strangelove
"Gentleman, you can't fight in here. This is the war room."
"I'm sorry too, Dmitri. I'm very sorry. All right, you're sorrier than I am. But I am sorry as well. I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri. Don't say that you're the more sorry than I am because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are. So we're both sorry, all right? All right."
Mean Girls
"She doesn't even go here!"
Karen: "So if you’re from Africa, why are you white?" Gretchen: "Oh my god Karen! You can’t just ask people why they’re white.”
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
Miles: *Play dumb!* [out loud] Miles: "Who’s Morales?" [thinking to himself] Miles: *Not that dumb!*
"He took a bagel!"
Hunt for the WilderPeople
"Faulkner is cauc...asian. Well, they got that wrong because you're obviously white."
"You know, sometimes in life it seems like there's no way out. Like a sheep trapped in a maze designed by wolves"
The Grand Budapest Hotel
"The plot thickens, as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?"
"You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that’s what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant… Oh, f**k it."
[to Mme. Celine's corpse] "You're looking so well, darling, you really are... they've done a marvelous job. I don't know what sort of cream they've put on you down at the morgue, but... I want some."
"Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete f**king nightmare! Just tell us what the f**k is going on!"
Groundhog Day
"This is the one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather."
Home Alone
"You're what the French call "les incompetents"."
The Nice Guys
March: "Look on the bright side. Nobody got hurt."
Healy: "People got hurt."
March: "I'm saying, I think they died quickly. So I don't think they got hurt."
Healy: March! Gun! Gun! [March tosses the gun to healy but misses- it crashes out of the window]
Healy: fuck!
March: shit!
March: "Jesus Christ! One at a time!"
Janet: "You took the Lord's name in vain."
March:" No I didn't, Janet. I found it very useful actually. Ok, Janet?"
Spaceballs
"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate"
Ghostbusters
"Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!"
Game Night
"Three for one? How can that be profitable for Frito-Lay?"
[second glass table of the night does not break after someone falls onto it]
"Glass tables are acting weird tonight"
Thor Ragnarok
"Well, I tried to start a revolution, but didn’t print enough pamphlets. So hardly anyone turned up, except for my mum and her boyfriend, who I hate"
Deadpool
"A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like, sixteen walls."
21 Jump Street
Deputy Chief Hardy: "Did you say, you have the right to be an attorney?"
Schmidt: "You do have the right to be an attorney, if you want to."
What we Do In the Shadows
"We're werewolves not swearwolves"
Hot Fuzz
Inspector Butterman: "Your predecessor assumed rural policing was easy. Ended up having a nervous breakdown, and Sergeant Popwell was an exceptional officer. Truly exceptional. But he had one thing you haven't got." Nicholas Angel: "What's that, sir?" Inspector Butterman: [jovially] A GREAT BIG BUSHY BEARD!
Life of Brian
Reg: "All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?" PFJ Member: "Brought peace?" Reg: "Oh, peace? SHUT UP!"
Pulp Fiction
Jules: "What does Marcellus Wallace look like?"
Brett: "What?"
Jules: "What country you from?"
Jules: "'What' ain't no country I ever heard of, do they speak English in 'What'?"
Jules: "English, mother f**ker, do you speak it?"
Office Space
"Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."
Bob: "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately"
Peter: "I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob"
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Perry: "Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?" Harry: "A picture of me?" Perry: "No! The definition of the word "idiot"! Which you f**king are!"
About a Boy
Christine: "You will end up childless and alone"
Will: "Well fingers crossed, yeah"
Fiona: "Will, am I a bad mother?"
Will: "No. No, you're not a bad mother. You're just a barking lunatic."
"It was terrible! Terrible! But driving really fast behind the ambulance was fantastic!"
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
"You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing accidently! "
[another driver is trying to alert Neal and Del that they are driving on the wrong side of the highway]
Neal: He says we're going the wrong way
Del: Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?
***Neal: Yeah, how would he know?
A League of Their Own
"Are you crying? There's no crying! There's no crying in baseball!"
As Good As It Gets
"Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here."
The Force Awakens
"That's not how the Force works."
Clue
Mrs. White: "He threatened to kill me in public." Miss Scarlet: "Why would he want to kill you in public?" Wadsworth: "I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her." Miss Scarlet: "Oh."
Mr. Green: "Who would want to kill the cook?" Miss Scarlet: "Dinner wasn’t that bad."
Wadsworth: "But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared."
Mrs. White: "But that was his job, he was an illusionist. "
Wadsworth: "But he never reappeared. "
Mrs. White: "He wasn’t a very good illusionist."
Galaxy Quest
"HEY! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air? You don't know!"
School of Rock
"You're tacky and I hate you."
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